He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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