Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize