don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
