fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
