Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
