You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
