A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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