somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
