By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
