the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
