she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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