You made me cry and you don't even care
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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