Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
