I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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