im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
