dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
