i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
