well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
