Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
