Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
