she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
