i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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