You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
