one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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