I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
