Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just google imaged poop.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
