(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
