we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
sex in a hospital.. check
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
