i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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