Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
