No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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