i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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