normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
