I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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