Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
