that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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