I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
