I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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