I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i believe in u and ur pee
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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