He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
