shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
