he puts the penis in happiness.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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