Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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