i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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