I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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