There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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