My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
