i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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