Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
