dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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