I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
