Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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