she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
