Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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