Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
