Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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