It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He? As in you personified your dick?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
