I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
