Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
