if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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