do herpes really smell.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
