hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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