The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
