I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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